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First of all: yes, I'm posting again, yes, I graduated, and no, I don't have a job. But all that stuff can wait, because we've got more important things to talk about. SOCCER!

Now to be perfectly honest, I almost never watch soccer. I could care less about the Premier League, or the Confederations Cup, or the MLS, or any of the other thousand different leagues, tournaments, and venues in which soccer is played. But the World Cup is something completely different - a quadrennial challenge of national spirit watched the world over. Basically, it's like the Olympics, if the Olympics mattered.

For those of you not watching the World Cup, I forgive you. It's not exactly the most straightforward tournament, and the games that've been played so far don't really count for too much. You see, the Cup is broken down into two parts: a series of group round-robins, followed by a single-elimination bracket.

It's the group stage that's the tricky part. The teams are organized into 8 groups, A-H. Each team plays every member of their group once, with the two top teams advancing to the elimination stage. At the moment, we've just completed the first round of group play, meaning each team has played one of their three games in the group stage.

So, regretting that you haven't been keeping up? Well you're in luck, because I'll personally catch you up on all the action so far, so you can get right into it for the start of round two. ESPN has been streaming the games online or, failing that, you could always use those primitive 'television' thingies.
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Group A - South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay, France
(My Picks: South Africa & Uruguay)
RSA 1-1 MEX
URU 0-0 FRA
The Cup opened with South Africa vs. Mexico, a tough break for the host country, who are not expected to advance. I'm rooting for them, though, and they did well, scoring early on the higher-ranked Mexicans to a roar of vuvuzelas. They answered back, however, and the game ended as a 1-all tie. Neither team played especially well, though Mexico had some very good opportunity to win it ruled offsides.
I missed the Uruguay-France game, which ended up being okay, because it was a nil-all tie. Uruguay's defense apparently proved quite frustrating to the French, who are decently ranked.
I might as well explain my picks for the tournament: I generally pick countries based on whether we (the USA) like them or would benefit from them winning, with no regard for how likely they are to win. After all, I follow global geopolitics year-round, and only watch soccer once every four years. In this case, I just want Mexico and France to lose, though it would also be nice to see the host country showing the rest of the world that Africa doesn't universally suck at everything. With the group completely tied, both underdogs have good chances, but they'll need at least one more upset to advance.

Group B - South Korea, Greece, Argentina, Nigeria
(My Picks: South Korea & Greece)
KOR 2-0 GRE
ARG 1-0 NGA
South Korea looked great in their match against Greece. Though visibly the smaller team, they used quick ball movement and intelligent strategy to style all over the Greeks, who looked slow and unmotivated by comparison. South Korea deserved the win, and it's nice to see our allies from south of the DMZ taking the lead in their group. It was not a good showing for the Greeks, who are facing a tough economy at home.
At first, I didn't care who won the second game - and then Argentina took the field. Man, I'd forgotten how much I hate them. Everything from their perfect wavy hair to their baby-blue striped uniforms to their effortless skill just ticks me off. Sadly, skill counts for a lot, and they coast to a 1-0 win over Nigeria. At least they're not Brazil, I guess.
The group is split, with SoKo slightly ahead on account of goals scored. Thursday's game of Argentina vs. Korea will determine which team takes first, but even a loss leaves the Asian Underdogs a good chance of advancing. Meanwhile, Greece will have to turn their game around for a chance against Nigeria, otherwise they're almost certainly out of the tournament.

Group C - England, United States, Algeria, Slovenia
(My Picks: USA! USA! USA!... and England)
ENG 1-1 USA
ALG 0-1 SLO
The only game you probably watched, England vs. USA, was well-summarized by the headlines the day afterwards: "USA Wins 1-1! Best Tie Against the British Since Bunker Hill." Both teams played smart, conservative games, with the USA remaining fairly passive but looking good on the breakaway. England, though clearly the better team, was frustrated by a solid defense and a brick wall named Howard in goal. Still, it would've been 1-0 without Clint Dempsey's exploratory shot in the 40th minute, which dribbled past the English keeper on an unlikely blunder. Calling the tie luck would be wrong, though - the States generated good opportunities throughout, and neither team should feel disappointed about the outcome.
The next game, Algeria against Slovenia, looked to be a 0-0 tie for most of the game, but Algeria, with strong support in the stadium, made a costly error when they had a man ejected for a hand ball. Seven minutes later, Slovenia put the numerical advantage to use, winning a single goal and the top spot in the group.
Both the USA and England are expected to win on Friday, but a loss to either of them would put them in a very tenuous position. Slovenia, with an upset in either of their next two games, could yet dethrone either of the English-speaking favorites.

Group D - Serbia, Ghana, Germany, Australia
(My Picks: Australia & Germany)
SER 0-1 GHA
GER 4-0 AUS
Once again, my top picks are playing each other in their first game. I was incredibly disappointed by Australia's performance - they not only looked slow and incompetent, they looked downright uninterested, and didn't show any enthusiasm for the game. The Germans, my pick to win the 2006 Cup (they got 3rd), put on a brilliant show, with veterans Podolski and Klose scoring the first two goals and their young new players making two more against a defense that had largely given up. Best-looking team of the Cup so far.
Meanwhile, Ghana wins a comfortable 1-0 victory over Serbia. Ghana and their neighbors in the Ivory Coast are the two top-ranked African teams, and drew large crowds. Meanwhile, Serbia is apparently not as good at soccer as they are at invading their fellow Yugoslavian states.
The group continues Friday and Saturday, with what should be an easy match for Germany against Serbia. Australia needs to get their heads in order for their game against Ghana, where a win would put them back in the tournament, but a lose essentially eliminates them.

Group E - Netherlands, Denmark, Japan, Cameroon
(My Picks: Japan & Denmark, though the Dutch are cool too)
Tragically, this group has three teams I'd like to root for, and only two can win. The Netherlands, favored as having the strongest offense in the tournament, definitely showed it here, dominating a conventional but determined Danish defense. They looked weak in the backfield, however, with Denmark making a number of good opportunities off of breaks. It wasn't until an unlucky own-goal sunk Danish hopes that the game began to take a definitively Dutch swing, and a late strike by Holland sealed the deal.
Meanwhile, Japan looked to have a tough game against the bigger, more athletic Cameroons. That seems to be a theme with Asian teams, doesn't it? Like South Korea, they played a smart, fast game, with great control, and at half-time were up by one against a very confused-looking Cameroon. Despite very muscular play, Cameroon never came together as a team to get their attack in order, and Glorious Nippon held their lead until the end. Nice to see a US ally giving a good account of themselves.
The next matches on Saturday pit Japan against the Netherlands, while Denmark plays Cameroon. Denmark must win both of their next two games, while Japan just needs one of their two. If the Dutch continue to play as they have, however, one of the two will almost certainly be eliminated.

Group F - Italy, Paraguay, Argentina, Slovakia
(My Picks: New Zealand & Slovakia)
ITA 1-1 PAR
NZA 1-1 SLV
I missed the Italy-Paraguay game, not that I cared. In any event, the result couldn't've pleased me more, with strongly-favored Italy only managing a tie against a time they were expected to win against.
The New Zealand-Slovakia (don't confuse them with Slovenia, they'll get mad) game, on the other hand, I did watch, and it was great. Slovakia played a great offense, taking chances throughout and being rewarded for it early. The All-Whites, however, didn't panic, and kept up their relaxed, careful game plan. I would almost say they were too relaxed; even as the final seconds ticked down towards a 0-1 lose, they played like they were in a friendly training match. The appearance of nonchalance was a bluff, though: when the tying goal was scored in injury time, literally seconds away from defeat, the New Zealanders (figuratively) exploded in celebration.
The group is completely tied: one point each, one goal each, one goal allowed each. The next games are Sunday, with Slovakia playing Paraguay and New Zealand playing Italy. Both can win, though they'll need to play sharply. In a group this close, anything can happen.

Group G - Ivory Coast, Portugal, Brazil, North Korea
(My Picks: North Korea is BEST KOREA. Also, Ivory Coast)
CIV 0-0 POR
BRA 2-1 PRK
I missed the Ivory Coast-Portugal game, but apparently I wasn't missing much. Another nil-nil tie, with both teams disappointing fans the world over. Cote d'Ivore has gotten a lot of press in Africa (where people still read newspapers), and are considered one of the stronger African teams. Portugal, of course, is European, and thus inherently over-hyped.
The surprise nail-biter of the round was Brahuehuehue vs. Norkia. I'm a little surprised North Korea is even playing in the Cup, considering they're running around sinking South Korean destroyers and generally doing their usual "threat to world peace" act. But play they did, and they actually made a game out of it against the predictably top-ranked Brazilians. For the first half, North Korea played brilliant yet fundamental defense, keeping in their positions well and thoroughly shutting down the much-vaunted Brazilian game.
In the second half, though, they apparently forget how to do anything but defend, and let Brazil pound shot after shot against them. When one finally went in (curling in beautifully from the back line, quite possibly by accident), North Korea was forced to do what it does worst: attack. With fewer men in the backfield, they ended up letting another goal in, and Brazil was threatening to run away with it, until North Korean striker Ji Something-or-other took an excellent breakaway past a sleeping Brazil and scored one for the Dear Leader. The 2-1 game may've gone Brazil's way, but it wasn't the blowout the world was expecting. If they keep up this level of play, North Korea could do very well.
Brazil plays Ivory Coast Sunday afternoon for a chance to secure their spot at the top of the group. More interestingly, North Korea plays Portugal early Monday morning, needing an upset to have a chance. I don't usually root for belligerent autocratic dictatorships, but they've just been so darn fun to watch I'll make an exception. It's definitely nice to see them displaying some sportsmanship on the world stage - if they can't keep it civil at the UN, at least they do at the World Cup.

Group H - Honduras, Chile, Spain, Switzerland
(My Picks: Switzerland and Not-Spain)
HON 0-1 CHI
Honduras played Chile, and since they're both south of the border I don't much like either of them. Chile looked great on offense, sending attack after attack against a very harried-looking Honduran defense. One of them eventually found it's way to the net, a very textbook cross that played out perfectly. Honduras couldn't answer, giving Chile the win. Generally I like Central America over South America, but my main concern in this group is beating Spain, and a solid Chile seems the best chance of that at the moment.
I'm actually typing this while watching the Spain-Switzerland game, so that it gets out before the second round starts. The first half was all Spain, dominating the Swiss, who despite their reputation seemed quite tenuous on defense. Part of that comes from their offense, who managed only one shot on Spain and seemed to practically abandon possession in favor of bunkering down. It only takes one goal to lose a game, and without a credible threat against them, Spain's offense can press even further forward.
In the second half, Spain picked up essentially where they left off, earning numerous corner kicks but failing to capitalize against the tall Swiss. Switzerland has had only a few good chances, but GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL! and they've just scored, in the 53rd minute! It was quite a scrappy goal, with the keeper facing a two-man breakaway and leaving the ball hanging in the center for an easy finish on the open goal. After the goal, Switzerland has found new strength, finally able to muster a threat on offense now that they have some breathing room. Spain is still controlling the pace of the game, however. Spain now with a one-on-one against the Swiss keeper, in the 60th minute, covered beautifully! - Spain simply cannot put it in the net. Switzerland is known for their defense, though - they haven't conceded a goal in their last 457 minutes of play. Spain needs more from their corners; they've been taking most of them short, in fear of the beefy Switz guards. They're still out-shooting Switzerland 5:1, with 15 shots, but only 4 have been on-goal. Another shot now, minute 69, off the crossbar! Can the Swiss hang on? 18 shots, now - Torres has breathed new life into the Spanish offense. The Swiss defense is physical: too physical for the ref, who give them their second yellow card. Suddenly a flurry of shots from Switzerland, with the first ricocheting off the near post. The Swiss strikers have worked very well together, when they've had the chance. Another Spanish shot goes 6 inches wide, at the 78th minute. They're getting desperate, now; Spain needs this. The Swiss are beginning to slow, too, their defense worn out by the pass-based Spanish attack. 7 minutes to play, now, with the Swiss converting a good opportunity into a corner. Unlike Spain, they're not afraid to send it into the fray, but the shot doesn't materialize, and it's back on defense for them. Spain goes up for an open-goal header, but #13 shoves him off it: Switzerland's physical defense preventing the opportunity. 3 minutes left before injury time - Torres misfires, and a few more seconds tick away. Now he's got another chance, a breakaway with no-one behind him, but he loses control of the ball, and it rolls out for a goal kick. 1 minute left. Zero - and a whopping 5 minutes of injury time are added! There's another yellow for the Swiss, this time on the goalkeeper, who's accused of time-wasting. At this point, it may well be worth it; 3 minutes of play left. At any rate, the Swiss keeper has earned his keep, playing very assertively the whole match. There's another yellow! Handball, on Switzerland, for a free kick just outside the box - it's recovered wide, and there's only 20 seconds to go. One last corner for Spain: they have to go to the center with this, and they do! But it's cleared easily by Switzerland. The clock winds down, and there's nothing to be done. Switzerland wins! A real shocker, and the best game so far in the tournament.
ESP 0-1 SUI
The group is in turmoil. Switzerland plays Chile next, on Monday, but the real test will be on the 25th, when Chile plays Spain. Spain can't lose another game - even a tie would be disastrous.

So, that's the first round. I'm off to get my license renewed, but I'll be back for the first game in the second phase, South Africa against Uruguay, at 2:30.

NEXT TIME: ROUND TWO!