At work, I've been doing some different stuff around the Section, since my current project has kind of stalled while we wait for the Sufficiently Advanced IT People to decide they want to help us with our network. That's okay, though, because the stuff I've been doing is uniformly awesome.
For instance, yesterday I was helping bring down an international crime ring. That sounds like I'm joking, but I'm not: apparently, a lot of stolen cars from all over the East Coast are being shipped to Ghana.
It's a lot of trouble working with the police forces of other countries, since there are those pesky international laws and treaties mucking up the process. We're working with the Department of State on getting a new set of extradition treaties over to President Obama (I know, right?) for approval. The other problem is that a lot of other the police in third-world countries (like, y'know, Ghana) are corrupt, so getting anything done over there is rather Spy Vs Spy. Our contact is only known by his codename.
Today, I was busy throwing a gang leader in prison. Or, more specifically, writing up a summary of his previous convictions in an easy-to-read format, so that when he goes before the court on his probation hearing, he'll be found in violation and sent back to prison for another 4 years.
The probation system is, by all accounts, totally worthless. Here's a case-study for you: Guy gets caught in the act, driving a stolen car, with witnesses that can testify they saw him steal it and two others. The judge gives him four years, which seems pretty solid, yes? Except then they suspend all but 30 days of the sentence, and give him a few months of probation after that.
Probation works like this. You get assigned to a Parole Officer, who's probably got a hundred other people she's already working. Every month, you're supposed to check in with her, and if you change addresses or jobs you're supposed to let her know. If you don't check in, ideally she'll come around to you house and give you a stern talking-to, but since she's completely overworked, she'll probably just leave you an angry voicemail. Which you'll delete.
If you get arrested for a different crime, you can automatically be charged with violating your probation, and you can then be sent back to do whatever part of your original sentence was previously suspended. That sounds pretty good too, but in order for it to actually happen, 1) the probation officer has to recommend it (and do the heaps of paperwork associated), 2) the victim of the original crime has to show up and request it (and why would he? Not like they're going to steal the same car twice...), and 3) the judge has to approve the violation and reinstate the original punishment (which isn't too hard, but is more paperwork, and judges are even busier than Parole Officers). And if all that happens, they'll go back and do their full term. But it never happens, because it's asking three people to do a fair bit of extra work when they honestly don't care.
So what the detectives had me do was write up a nice, readable list of everything a particular repeat offender had done in the last four years. This was a guy who simply can't stay out of trouble. At one point, he got out on bond the 17th and was caught stealing another car on the 19th. He most recently shoplifted a few pairs of jeans from a Kohl's.
So this time, when he goes up for violating his parole, we'll get a State's Attorney to read off the big list and make the point that he's not trying to reform, that he's not learning from his mistakes, and that he hasn't ever been truly punished for his actions. We'll call the Parole Officer beforehand and make her understand that if he's not put away, he'll be on probation forever. We'll explain to the judge that unless his previous sentence is reinstated, he'll be back in court a month later dealing with the same guy again and again.
Damnit, we'll make them care.
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Annnd now that that's off my chest, how about some Necrons?
I've finally gotten through all the Space Marine Chapters, which is a big relief. To be fair, they're a lot more interesting to build lists with than I gave them credit for, but they don't really have the same number of interesting special rules that a lot of other armies do. And after 5 lists with roughly the same units, who wouldn't want a little change?
That's why what I'm not going to do is do anything even remotely Space Marine related next. So no Chaos Space Marines (who are basically evil Space Marines with spikes on their armor), Daemonhunters (who have access to bunch of Super Space Marines), or Witch Hunters (who are mostly weaker, female Space Marines - and that's only sexist if you think it's redundant).
No, next up are the Necrons, a race of invincible killer robots who, upon rising from their tomb-worlds after a hundred thousand years, gazed over the rest of the diverse sentient life-forms of the galaxy and decided "it has to go." They're conceptually similar to the Tomb Kings (yep, armies of Egyptian mummies) from Warhammer Fantasy, though play rather differently. In short, Necrons are what you'd get if you crossed Im-hotep with Schwarzenegger's Terminator.
Necrons are noted for 3 main things. First, the Monolith, a gigantic, nigh-indestructible pyramid vehicle (Egypt, remember?). Second, basic troops, Warriors, who stand back up after you kill them. Third, automatically losing if a certain percent of their troops are killed (25%, specifically).
There's a common misconception that this is all a Necron army is: Monoliths and Warriors. I'll admit, it's one which I shared until I did my research for this list. There are actually a lot of unique strategies that can be used with this army, from the Wraith Wing (apparently, taking 9 Wraiths transforms them from 'waste of points' to 'awesome') to the Destroyer Rush, but by far the most common is called the Phalanx. That's the sort of strategy I designed this list to use; I'll explain it below, after the list itself.
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Necrons - Teleport Phalanx
HQ [note#2]
Necron Lord (100)
- w/ Resurrection Orb (40)
- w/ Veil of Darkness (60)
Troops [note#1]
10 x Necron Warriors (180)
10 x Necron Warriors (180)
11 x Necron Warriors (198)
Heavy Support [note#3]
Monolith (235)
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Note#1:
That didn't take too long, did it? Necrons have a comparatively brief Codex. They have exactly 1 Troops Choice, and there's only one optional bit of equipment for that choice (which is fairly useless, so I went without). Is this lack of diversity totally crippling? Not really. The good thing about Warriors is that they're decent at everything. Their Gauss Rifles are basically bolters, plus they also always score a Glancing hit on vehicles on a roll of 6, meaning massed fire can severely disrupt enemy vehicles, regardless of their Armor Value.
Besides their gun, Necrons have about the same stats as Space Marines, except their Initiative is only 2, making them a good bit worse in hand-to-hand combat (I've always said that Initiative is the most important close-combat stat, and this is a good example of that). The trade-off is that, unless they're killed by a weapon with twice their Toughness (that is, Str 8 or higher), they have a 50-50 chance of standing back up the next turn, much like a T-800 Terminator, which is why this ability is called "We'll Be Back".
The other reason to take loads and loads of Warriors is that they're your cheapest 'Necron' models (yes, not all Necrons have the 'Necron' Special Rule, which can get confusing). According to the Phase Out rule, if you're down to less than 25% of your original number of 'Necrons', you automatically lose the game, as your entire army's robotic AI brains decide to flee in cowardly terror (technically, "disappear for the battlefield in an eerie fashion," but I like my version more). Having a lot of them makes it that much harder for an opponent to win just by shooting all your 'Necrons', which is often a major weakness for the Necrons.
Note#2:
As with the Troops, your HQ choice isn't really a choice at all, as you only have one. Fortunately, this time he's got a good number of wargear options, so you won't always be seeing the same exact one.
The Necron Lord has a pretty unimpressive stat-line, at least in HQ terms. However, he can be equipped to be a fantastic support unit, which is what I've done here. His two most expensive options are also the two most useful, and I've taken both of them. Honestly, that's a little much, but having only one Lord kind of make it necessary.
The first bit of wargear is the Resurrection Orb. A staple of the Phalanx strategy, the Res Orb helps any Necron unit with a model within 6" by allowing them to always get a We'll Be Back roll, even if the weapon's Strength would normally deny them one. This is a big help when your opponent starts lobbing battle-cannon rounds (Str 8, AP 3) at your lines, or opens up with his Vindicator, or shoots his Ion Cannon, or... Basically, take all the things that normally kill huge numbers of Warriors, and they now kill only moderate numbers of Warriors. At 40 points, it seems expensive, but it only has to save two Warriors and it's practically made it's points back already.
The second bit of wargear is the Veil of Darkness (sounds nefarious, no?). This doodad allows you to teleport your Lord and one unit he's with to anywhere on the table instead of moving. Note that: instead of moving. Not when they deploy, but every friggin' turn, you could be deep-striking. Necrons are usually one of the slowest armies in the game, right? Not anymore. Especially given 5th Edition's focus on Troops and the ability to get them onto objectives, the Veil seems vital for Necron success.
Note#3:
And lastly, the Monolith. When people talk about tough vehicles, this is what they mean. Not only does it have AV14 all the way around, the Monolith also has the Living Metal special rule, meaning your opponent never gets more than one die for Armor Penetration, and always rolls against AV14. This one rule screws over the anti-tank capability of nearly every army in the game. Eldar Bright Lances, and their cousin the Dark Eldar Dark Lance (see what they did there?)? Sorry, this over-rides the Lance rule. Meltaguns, meltabombs, multi-meltas (and 5th Edition is practically Melta Edition)? Enjoy only rolling 1d6; if you get a 6, you'll Glance it. Tyranid Monsterous Creatures? Vanquisher Cannons? Chainfists? Nothing. The only real threat to the Monolith are Tau Broadsides and maybe Vindicators, if they can get within range.
So if it's so tough, why not just ignore the durn thing? Well, that's usually what they'll do (maybe even what they should do). But the Monolith is far from being all armor and no guns. It's got the Gauss Flux Arc, which is like a Heavy Bolter (Str5, AP4) that shoots d6 shots at everything within 12" (great when you deep-strike the Monolith, as explained below). It also has the Particle Whip, a big ole Ordinance Blast weapon that's essentially a shorter-ranged (24") Basilisk round, with the added bonus that it counts as AP1 at the very center of the blast.
If that's not enough, the Monolith has two other tricks. First, if you don't fire the Particle Whip that turn, you can instead teleport any Necron unit within 18" from where they are to the 'portal' of the Monolith. This is useful for pulling them out of a close combat and regrouping your forces. Additionally, it allows you to re-roll any failed We'll Be Back rolls for the unit that turn, greatly increasing the unit's survival rate. This technique is sometimes called "The Washing Machine."
Second, Monoliths can deep-strike from reserves, and, if it would normally land on top of enemy units (due to scatter, usually), that unit is moved to make room for the Monolith. This allows you to come in right on top of enemy lines and push them aside, splitting their battle line or clumping them up for a particle whip attack. Monoliths can also bring in units from reserve by having them emerge from its central portal, letting them get into range more quickly.
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So, how does the Necron Phalanx work? Like it's namesake, it's all about keeping several solid block of durable infantry in close formation, for mutual protection. Specifically, you want to keep as many units of Warriors as possible within 6" of your Lord (to make use of the Resurrection Orb) and within 18" of your Monolith (to re-roll We'll Be Backs for whichever unit suffers the most casualties). This gives you a very durable block of troops, backed up by a very tough vehicle. Used properly, you should be able to weather whatever attack your enemy can throw at you.
If that seems a little too passive for you, remember that Veil of Darkness. There will probably be a few units that can give you problems from long range; teleport next to them and rapid-fire like mad. Likewise, there might be an unclaimed objective hanging in the open on the fifth turn; teleport on top of it and claim it as your own.
People say Necrons have kind of been nerfed in 5th Edition, since Glancing hits are a lot less lethal now, among other things. However, they're still a very tough army, and very fun if you enjoy playing a solid, impenetrable block of units. They're also probably the cheapest army to play, and rather easy to paint, too. Just sayin'.
Next Time (CopStuff): We'll see; hopefully something cool will happen.
Next Time (40k): Dark Eldar, aka Those Evil Elves
Next Time (Philosophy): Who Knows?
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